SCW 2014: A Trip to the ER and a House Built on the Rock

SO MUCH has happened recently. I'm planning on writing more about everything that has gone crazy this past week in the next post, so stay tuned for that...but for now I want to write about my fantastic homegroup, Jabberwocky, and share with you about the powerful weekend a few short days ago.

At our church, the students go out for a retreat every fall. SCW. Spiritual Challenge Weekend. I've been able to go every year since I was a freshman, and each year it's been a good, strong time with homegroup and with God. This year it was good, but it was exceptionally hard for me.

First, a few of my favorite things...

Where You Go I Go /// Catching Up On Life

A truth about life: living life with Jesus is adventure. Proof is in my life and everything that has happened to me the past few years.

A truth about me: I crave adventure. I read stories of big, great adventures and daydream about being in them. My favorite book series is about a massive adventure across space, time, and multiple dimensions. I crave adventure.

Current Emotion: Joy and Jesus

"What do you want, beloved?"

I want to be filled with joy again.

"Why?"

Because this hurts. This anxiety feels like it's choking me...it keeps me away from you, keeps me from truly living my life. I miss the joy-filled days that were only a few months ago, days without fear.

"Do you want the joy of my presence, or to simply not be afraid?"

Diaries of a Summer Intern: Multiple Weeks, Multiple Emotions, Multiple Blessings

My goal at the beginning of this summer was to write out my thoughts and feelings each week, in order to decompress through everything going on during this steady yet crazy summer. Obviously, it hasn't gone according to plan.

Well, not according to my plan.

Current Emotion: Mourning Nana

Dear Nana,

I miss you more with every day that goes by. Even though at the same time I do miss you a little bit less, because I grow more and more accustomed to the vacancy in my life and heart, the paradox of life brings about the ache of missing you penetrating just a little deeper as well.

The Struggle is Real - and Worth It

This was a post that I started and never found the right words to finish it. I was still processing through a lot of the things that I speak about, and so I didn't exist in a place where I could speak from every conviction of my heart. The Lord has been working on me a lot, and I hope I can now speak a little more clearly about what Jesus has been ministering to me about "struggling" through life.

I love spring.

Everything comes alive, spring break happens, Easter comes and we celebrate the Resurrection openly, and the sun is often out way more than during the winter.

Where I Belong...

I've been lonely this summer. Not constantly, but it has been a recurring theme.

This weekend, several of my most cherished people - most of my homegroup - came into town for a big, weekend-long summer homegroup hangout. It was probably the highlight of my summer so far.

Diaries of a Summer Intern: Week Four

I'm starting to notice something about the world. It's something that I've always known, but now it's beginning to become a challenge to overcome and learn how to walk through it as Jesus would desire me to.

The pride of having to be the person who's right about something.

Diaries of a Summer Intern: Week Two? More Like Week Three!

It's been quite a busy, busy past few weeks. Nothing exceptional happened last week during the work week, and between not being sure what I wanted to write about and then going back to my college town for the weekend to visit friends and celebrate my beau's birthday, Week Two slipped away.

But Week Three...man, it's been crazy. I still have one more day of work tomorrow, but I already feel like I've put in far too many hours. Let's start with the Attack of the Chiggers.

Diaries of a Summer Intern: Week One

Well, it’s that time of year again. Finals have finished, graduation has occurred, a bunch of people have gotten married. The temperatures are rising and days are becoming longer as summer sets in. For some, it brings summer school. For others, vacations. For me, a job. (And you have people in any combination of those plus other things)

Sunday night before I started working Monday morning I could barely sleep.

Current Emotion: Overwhelmed About the Future

This is it, guys.  I’m heading into senior year as soon as summer ends. Why am I already thinking about the end of the summer when summer just started? Because it’s making me cry. It’s that time in life where everyone wants to know what I’m going to do; everyone wants an answer to my future, and half of them want something like “get an awesome job,” “go to grad school,” or “get married,” and frankly, I don’t know the answer to anything right now.

Playfulness and Bruises

I love roughhousing. Plain and simple, I enjoy having a good time with people and goofing around. I love playgrounds, partaking in a good sports game, finding ways to laugh together and things to laugh about; anything that will make me smile or enjoy life will probably be a friend of mine. If there’s a pond nearby, I entertain the thought of pushing them in – not out of malice, but because I find the notion fun and enjoyable and I want them to laugh (yes, I know very few people would laugh if I pushed them in the pond. But in my head, they would, because, in my head, it’s fun). I really like playing around, and I want people to laugh.

Broken Praise

I’ve tried to write an entry for weeks now. Usually there are so many things I need to unpack, and writing is a way for me to express how I’m feeling. But sometimes, that's a lot harder than it might sound...

Current Emotion: Just... Overwhelmed

So, the first four weeks of school this semester have been nothing short of overwhelming. I’m taking 15 credit hours, working 12 hours a week, have new homegroup responsibilities, been preparing for co-leading worship tonight at women’s retreat, trying to figure out how to meet up with my lifegroup girls (or oversee them being met up with), figure out how to spend the quality time with my roommates we all need, and – the part that makes me giggle – figuring out a relationship, too.

He's Not "The One"

Through the past two months that I’ve been in a relationship, a few times someone will teasingly ask me, “So, do you think he’s the one?” I know they’re being cute, I know they’re excited about what’s happening in my life, but that’s actually a very hard question for me. It confuses my heart, and I never really know how to answer it without a long explanation.

Current Emotion: Resolution?

It’s that time of year again. Today is a new day, new month, a new year. The past few days I’ve been bombarded with “Welcome to 2014!” signs, “Happy New Year!” well-wishings, and “Here’s to 2014 being better than 2013!” spoken with an attitude that is half-sarcastic and half-mournful, smothered in projected hope.

I think that the last one actually makes me sad in the long run. Was 2013 bad, or are we hoping to get it even better suddenly?