Taking Flight

The truth is, I hate blogs.

Well, I hate the idea of writing one. I actually love reading blogs. I follow all the blog posts that my Facebook friends post, as well as several other blogs of people I know or know of.

But I’ve always felt uncomfortable with the idea of writing one.

What got me to give in was coming home from class Wednesday and opening my computer in order to be able to type out how I felt about a few things. I found myself wishing I could somehow share it with people and tell them what Jesus has been doing in my life in each area I was processing.

It’s interesting that I have no good feelings towards academic writing (essays make me cringe like nothing else, except cottage cheese), and yet through writing I find I can best express what I feel on most subjects. This past summer I wrote one of my dearest friends letters all summer, and even though I didn’t go very “deep” in most them, I felt like it was a more accurate representation of what I was thinking and feeling than it would have been to try to express the same things in person.

So, here I am, writing my first blog post.

Weird.

The truth about my life is that God repeatedly brings me face to face with my brokenness. It’s very humbling to labor in looking more like Jesus in an area of my life and then have it come crashing down because I tried to hold it on my own. Every day God gently reminds me how desperately I need Him for every single part of my life, for apart from Him I truly can do nothing.

The problem with that is I’m not very good at expressing it. I don’t know how to tell people how broken I am. Sometimes I wonder if I leave this impression on people that I think I’m all that; think I have it all together, all figured it out, know all the answers.

I don’t. I fall apart daily, have what feels like less than nothing figured out about my life, and am constantly astounded at the amount of things that I don’t know about my own relationship with Christ.

But somehow, between the fact that God truly does speak joy over my life daily and the fact that I’m still learning how to properly express to others those tricky things known as feelings, the message of God healing my brokenness in my day to day life becomes distant, lost, and nearly impossible to speak with others about.

I guess I’ll just write about it instead of trying to speak. Here goes what could be nothing, or could be a lot of things.