Well, it’s that time of year again. Finals have finished,
graduation has occurred, a bunch of people have gotten married. The
temperatures are rising and days are becoming longer as summer sets in. For
some, it brings summer school. For others, vacations. For me, a job. (And you
have people in any combination of those plus other things)
Sunday night before I started working Monday morning I could
barely sleep.
I tossed and turned, fell asleep only to have a nightmare and
wake back up…the cycle repeated time and again. In the morning I found heavy
circles under my eyes, and the yawned every 30 seconds during breakfast.
I was so nervous walking in that door. I didn’t know what
was awaiting me at this particular internship, who I would meet, if they would
like me or not. It was confusing the first several hours. Random acronyms were
thrown at me from every direction (I had to start a list in my little notebook
they gave me to carry around to start keeping all of them straight), I had to
gain access to more places than I thought possible, and there were probably 80
people to meet throughout the whole office.
Oh, and I had also managed to lock my keys in the car for
the first time in my life. On my first day of work. Of course.
Once everything calmed down on Tuesday afternoon (after a
long trip up to a state park for some field work, of course), I began to relax
into my environment. As I began relaxing, my heart started feeling love for all
the people around me and the gears in my head start churning, thinking over a
bunch of ways I wanted to glorify Jesus in my work and be kind to everyone
around me.
See, that’s the thing about having a job. It’s too easy to
start mimicking those around you. I’ve felt God convict me time and again the
past year: be different. If I’m not careful, I’ll let myself fall into a habit
of just striving to blend in and get by, instead of continuing to live
radically for Him wherever I am.
I felt it Tuesday going up to the state park. One of the people
I work with said something that could be taken offensively towards God (perhaps
offensively is too strong…but definitely poking fun at Him). I felt the reply
coming, the normal type that I might have given that would play that terrible
line of remaining neutral. I heard Him move in my heart. “I love you.” I don’t
know why He does that; I don’t know why He chooses to tell me He loves me
before I’m about to do something that does the opposite of glorifying Him.
Maybe He does because it catches my attention each and every time. I love you, I said back in my heart,
also wondering what else I could say. He gave me the perfect words.
The work force is growing to be a darker and darker place.
So many serious and devoted Christians go into full-time vocational ministry –
and I’m not saying that that’s a bad thing! It is good. It is beautiful. It
is needed in this dark world for
people to sacrifice their careers into that field.
But I feel like a new mission field is coming up: that of a
worldly career. Everywhere I’ve worked, the number of people who go to church
is loowwwww. And the number who are
on fire? I haven’t met anyone else yet. (I know some in my church, but I
haven’t met any in any of the offices I’ve worked in) That just goes to show
how small it is.
As I’ve been thinking and feeling all of this through, I’ve
felt this weight (the good kind) come down on my heart. It’s the kind of weight
that makes me want to live a radically different life in such a way as to draw
people in. It’s a weight that encourages me to step out in kindness and mercy,
give a kind word in response to the sharp ones from people with bitter hearts
or those having a rough day, and help people out whenever and wherever I can. I
want to live by example, the kind that makes people question what’s different
about me.
This summer, I turned down a chance to go to Colorado for a
program with the network of churches I’m in. It was one of the hardest and most
tear-stained decisions yet. My prayer the whole way was Lord I just want a summer that will somehow glorify You even more than
that summer of being in the mountains with you would have. I don’t know how
He’s planning to accomplish that, but my heart is sitting here and taking in
all these small things around me – the people desperate for kindness, love, and
knowing the Good News; my dear family who I’m getting one last summer with; the
way He’s already moving and changing my heart toward helping people and giving
more of myself to others – and slowly a river of hope is growing.
Maybe this will be a summer where God changes my life after
all.
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