But Week Three...man, it's been crazy. I still have one more day of work tomorrow, but I already feel like I've put in far too many hours. Let's start with the Attack of the Chiggers.
Tuesday I was out in the field, and I currently have BRIGHT RED chigger bites all over my legs! Man, it is AWFUL. So, this morning, as I was getting ready for work (and itching like a mad person), the constant annoyance of thinking about my itchy legs slowly spiraled me into quite a bad mood. Well, honestly, I let it put me in a bad mood. And it worked.
By the time I got downstairs for breakfast, I was not wanting to even think about being around other people, so of course I got onto Facebook. Logical, right?
Everyone and their brother was either announcing an engagement, being excited about upcoming nuptials, posting pictures of their young babies...the works. Normally I get a good deal excited about all of that, because I love celebrating those things very, very much. But today it was just getting on my nerves. A bad attitude from the Attack of the Chiggers left my heart open to Attack of the Unsatisfied Self.
Somewhere along the line this week it's gotten harder and harder to be completely satisfied in Jesus. As more and more people have been asking me about things like finding a job after graduation, details about my relationship, and who knows what else have been taking their toll on me because I've been forgetting to guard my heart from that sort of poison. The more they poured expectations on me - have the great job, get married, don't get married too soon because you're too young to know yourself (and I'm not even engaged - what the heck, people, calm down), do this, don't do that, make sure you make enough money, money, money - the more I started fixating on having that type of life. And, because I don't exactly have it right now, I then transitioned into having anxiety about making good choices and planning things correctly to get what I want. Everyone on Facebook was celebrating, and I was ready to chop their heads off out of jealousy. Man, my heart needs a good check.
I'm not saying I refuse to think about the things of the future. You're talking to the girl who already made her estimated expenditure budget for the entire coming school year, just so that I could start thinking about what might be coming and processing emotions, worries, and fears, plus setting aside the money I'll be needing. The difference is that my heart changed from desiring to honor God with what He's given me to wanting to be satisfied in the things I could get out of life. What a sense of humor my Jesus has that he would use infuriating little bugs to get my attention about something as big as this!
Only humbly bowed before Him and fixated on everything that He is am I truly satisfied. And a beautiful thing starts to happen: I'm thankful for what I have instead of craving satisfaction in everything I don't have. I don't want to be pining away waiting for a list of things to happen in my life. I want the miracle of the Cross to be real to me every day, and to spend my life telling everyone the Good News of Jesus!
There's a hymn that's been resonating with me a lot recently - "It Is Well (With My Soul)" - and one of my absolutely favorite worship bands ever recently covered it and did their own rendition. The cry of my heart is that I would be completely satisfied in Jesus and that it would be well with my soul.
Through it all, through it all, my eyes are on You
Through it all, through it all, it is well
It is well with me.
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