SCW 2014: A Trip to the ER and a House Built on the Rock

SO MUCH has happened recently. I'm planning on writing more about everything that has gone crazy this past week in the next post, so stay tuned for that...but for now I want to write about my fantastic homegroup, Jabberwocky, and share with you about the powerful weekend a few short days ago.

At our church, the students go out for a retreat every fall. SCW. Spiritual Challenge Weekend. I've been able to go every year since I was a freshman, and each year it's been a good, strong time with homegroup and with God. This year it was good, but it was exceptionally hard for me.

First, a few of my favorite things...

Broken Praise

I’ve tried to write an entry for weeks now. Usually there are so many things I need to unpack, and writing is a way for me to express how I’m feeling. But sometimes, that's a lot harder than it might sound...

In the Face of Anxiety

I feel very out of place.

All of the other students – 5 of them, 3 girls and 2 young men – sit across the waiting room in lounge chairs. They all look either unconcerned or absent-minded as they stare at their smart phones. I remain alone, in a row of chairs outside the double-door opening through the middle of the room, staying as far away from them as I can.

Both of the men are called back relatively quickly, one at a time. The first one disappears out the nearly opaque glass door with a woman in her mid 40’s, the second with a man who looks like he’s in his late 30’s.

I look back down at my phone, trying to ignore the fact that even though everyone here has some sort of important reason, I feel like the only one who can’t handle life.

I know that’s not true. But it feels like it.

Small Changes

Joy doesn’t abound in my life right now the way it normally does. Usually I can feel it welling up in me so mightily that it flows over into every little thing I do. But right now, not so much. I’m not joyless (although it did reach that point a few days ago), but I’m not full of it and it’s not contagious the way it has been the past two years. Yet through that, God has spoken deep restorative peace and hope into my heart.