Diaries of a Summer Intern: Week Four

I'm starting to notice something about the world. It's something that I've always known, but now it's beginning to become a challenge to overcome and learn how to walk through it as Jesus would desire me to.

The pride of having to be the person who's right about something.


I have an inquisitive mind, and I like to think over things for a long time. Sometimes, while thinking it through, I'll express where I am in processing the topic. It's begun smacking me in the face this week, and boy, it really stings. I'm beginning to feel as though I can't express what I think or feel about something unless I have reasoning to back it up - reasoning to "be right" about it. It's almost like I'm having to prove to everyone "Hey look, I'm an adult, I think about these things," or "Hey look, I'm right about this subject because of reason xyz." Without that proof or reasoning, they seem to dismiss me.

This week, my guard has risen over many topics, and I've caught myself during conversation justifying my stance or belief, or having to defend myself against someone who believes differently and wants to smother me with their proof why they're right. And don't get me wrong, it's not that I think they aren't right. The point I'm aiming for is the way people conduct themselves when they believe they're right.

Please know one thing, however! I don't have any problem with anyone I work with. I enjoy them immensely, and I'm very grateful for the role they play in my life. Let me be clear that I'm extending this topic to worldly culture in general, not ranting against a specific group of people! But, the Lord has still been using my interactions with these people to cause me to process how I act and behave around Him.

Friday evening, my almost all of the members of my homegroup came in for a summer hangout. During dinner that night, I noticed how tense I was, how high my guard was up, how many times I kept trying to prove that I was right on a subject.

I think it broke my heart to see myself acting like that. It directly conflicts with two values I strongly believe in; walking humbly before the Lord, and letting myself be open and teachable.

It has had fruit. It causes me to stop and think, "Am I representing Him?" His incredible humility of coming to earth, the teachable-ness of always listening to the Father, the character and backbone of simply walking to please the Father. That is the character that I want to continue to grow into and become. Jesus, keep working in me and making me more like you...