Diaries of a Summer Intern: Multiple Weeks, Multiple Emotions, Multiple Blessings

My goal at the beginning of this summer was to write out my thoughts and feelings each week, in order to decompress through everything going on during this steady yet crazy summer. Obviously, it hasn't gone according to plan.

Well, not according to my plan.


But I'm pretty sure that it's gone according to God's plan that I would have either writer's block, a way-too-busy weekend, no clue what I'm thinking or feeling, or the sudden urge to plant myself on the couch with a book and temporarily forget that the world exists.

And now that I've written that, once again the writer's block is here. So, forgive me if this isn't polished as I prefer my posts to be. The past few weeks have been challenging, to say the least. It's less challenging on what I'm doing and the things surrounding me, and more challenging on my person and my spirit. Several times recently I've felt trapped in a corner of conversation, unable to say how I really feel without being made fun of or criticized, or, the worst one, simply feeling out of place.

Am I willing to feel out of place for Jesus? I'm still trying to convince the broken pieces of my heart that I'll truly be okay, and actually even better, when I'm holding up to what I believe in and not letting the world bully me into submission. Time to keep developing that spiritual and emotional backbone.

The crazy part about growing that backbone and that kind of strength is the part where I'm incapable of doing so by myself. Only through Jesus working on my heart and giving me the strength to stand up for Him am I able to express the truth of where my heart is and what I believe in.

At the end of it all, through my rambling thoughts, confused feelings, and hair-brained schemes, Jesus is still faithful to me. I've seen him start providing answers to my questions, and he's been calming the frantic heart of mine that's already panicking over graduating 9 months from now and having to find a job. I still wouldn't trade security with him for anything else in the world.

I want you to know, friend reading this post, that living a life with Jesus is the best thing that there is. I'm not perfect at it, and if you watch me you'll see me mess up daily. But it's a far better life than any other I have ever known; it's far more sustaining, far more fulfilling, and far more peaceful and full of joy. Knowing Him is finding the meaning of life, the best friend you'll ever have, a constant lover to your heart, and the most faithful companion.