Current Emotion: Joy and Jesus

"What do you want, beloved?"

I want to be filled with joy again.

"Why?"

Because this hurts. This anxiety feels like it's choking me...it keeps me away from you, keeps me from truly living my life. I miss the joy-filled days that were only a few months ago, days without fear.

"Do you want the joy of my presence, or to simply not be afraid?"


Ouch.

I feel like I've been sleeping and am now rudely awakened by my alarm.

You're right to say that often my heart deceives me into believing that I want the presence of the Lord, when truly what I want is to not be anxious. Anxiety is completely draining, and pulls every ounce of energy all the way from everything about me, out of me very soul, it would seem.

But no...no, Jesus, I want more than just feeling better.

Feeling good is a sham compared to knowing you, being with you, and truly having joy in Your presence.

Keep changing my heart, keep working on me. I want to want your joy simply to know you better, not because I want something as temporary as feeling better. I want to want you more than anything else around.