Where You Go I Go /// Catching Up On Life

A truth about life: living life with Jesus is adventure. Proof is in my life and everything that has happened to me the past few years.

A truth about me: I crave adventure. I read stories of big, great adventures and daydream about being in them. My favorite book series is about a massive adventure across space, time, and multiple dimensions. I crave adventure.


You might or might not have heard the song "Where You Go I Go." (No, "Catching Up On Life" is not part of the song title, just to clarify.) It's been done by a couple different artists, including Jesus Culture. We sing it fairly regularly at my church, and each time they start it I get so very excited. It's one of my favorite songs ever because every time I sing it, it makes me check my heart. Are the words I'm singing actually true? Would I really go where Jesus takes me, even if that's to the scariest place on earth? Would I say what he asks me to say, even to people who are going to mock me, bully me, or even persecute me? Would I pray the things he puts on my heart, even when they aren't what I want to happen in my life?

I imagine going strange places and speaking boldly and praying with courage, and over the past few years it's been easy to start saying yes to that. Well, at least to that initial "yes" of my heart giving in to letting Jesus work further on it.

One thing that happens a lot for me is that I'll start daydreaming of adventure with Jesus, of going where he takes me because of the vast excitement of it, of speaking boldly and humbly to people and seeing them come to know Jesus the way I do. I want a life of excitement and adventure with Jesus.

Well... my life isn't exactly like that. Especially not right now. It's not full of traveling, evangelizing, or long hours spent in prayer. In fact, quite the opposite. Coming into senior year here in Aggieland was an exceptionally overwhelming experience. So many things feel like they're on the verge of changing in my life. College is ending in just over 7 months, when I walk the stage in May and claim my dimploma. I've never not been a student. I have to find a job. I don't know yet the details of what might or might not happen between me and my beau. I may or may not continue serving in my beloved homegroup. Once I got through the initial sense of "what on earth am I doing with my life?!" the heaviness of the semester hit me. Duties in homegroup are crazier than ever (although also more exciting than ever), I'm facing one of the most stressful sets of classes yet, and there's a pressure to start applying, start interviewing, start finding out right. this. very. second. what's going to happen over 7 months from now. Oh, and my body recently decided to get sick.

At 3am last Friday, my roommates rushed me to the emergency room. The result was just the stomach flu, but I was in so much pain for a while and so very, very scared. This morning I woke up and fought an intense ocular migraine, and of course the medicine I took for congestion made my stomach hurt, so between the two I was not a joyful person.

I put on my favorite playlist of worship music, hoping that Jesus would slowly begin melting away at my heart like he always does. "Where You Go I Go" came on after a few songs, and fortunately I was standing in the elevator alone, because tears sprang into my eyes. My mind had instantly jumped to dreaming of adventure, and then scarcely a second later I had realized how far from adventure my life is right now.

Once again, when I chose to be completely open with him and not hold anything back, Jesus didn't let me down.

"This is the great adventure, Cassian."

Yes, because being sick is an adventure.

"It is when it lets me show you my love in a greater way."

Oh.

"Will you go where I go if I lead only to sickness?"

I don't think that's a question I had ever prepared myself for. And yet, he spoke it so gently and so humbly that my heart was quieted and stilled.

Even feeling completely inadequate, wondering what's happening next in every area of my life, and being sick are part of his plan for me. It makes me want to cry with happiness to know that walking through sickness is part of following Jesus, part of going where he goes, and somehow part of saying what he says and praying what he prays. Would I follow him if I knew it was nothing but sickness awaiting me? I don't know for sure yet, but I want to say I think so.

In John 17 it says "For this is eternal life, that they may know You [God], and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent." When we humans get married, we pledge "For sickness and health," and life with Jesus is just like that, too. No matter what physical, mental, or emotional things you're facing right now, whatever sickness you're dealing with right now, it's worth following Jesus through. Even if that's all you get in life. Yes, I have trouble saying "yes" to that idea, and so balking at it is no strange emotion for me. But I've seen of other places in my life that it's always, always worth it.